Have I Become a Breast-feeding Nazi?

One of my best friends is pregnant, single and scared.

I've been talking to her through her process and tried to let her know that she is a suitable mother, despite the fact that she keeps complaining and saying that motherhood is not what she was born to do (I don't think anybody does, but specifically for her, I never thought she was going to stay childless forever)

But within all our conversations, I've found myself pushing her into breast-feeding. I've been very insistent with it and, even though she says she'll "try", she's not convinced at all. Says it's not her "hit".

And then I realized I was becoming one of those Nazi mothers that want to impose her own ways into others. And for women that work full time and think the best place for a baby is daycare,  it can push you away from them and you can end up being of little to no help.

Then I sat and wondered why I was being so pushy. I have never told her "it's the best for the baby" or "you would be a bad mother if you didn't". I'm more for the "it's best for you" and "the baby would be fine anyway, but breast just makes everything so much easier".

But the fact is, yes, I have gone way above the Mexican standards with my kids, mostly for convenience and practicality, but I do believe it's the best for the baby. And that's when my own life comes into play, that's what I'm really trying to keep them from: baby me.

I was born in the most artificial environment that there is. Evicted 10 days before due date for no medical reason other than ensuring "no labor would occur" and having been deemed "perfectly healthy", I couldn't have brought more problems to my mother if I had tried.

 And it all started with the breasts. I latched, I ate, there was milk. Too bad milk was just too much and my feeding needs were 10 days behind. As a result, my mom acquired Mastitis and got very, very sick. OF course, being a doctor, it never occurred to her to seek help, to manually remove the milk (she tried a nasty pump that would stimulate her even more and not get a drop out) or to feed me on demand instead of a rigid 3 hour schedule. It was 1970s Mexico and natural mothering was for poor country unsophisticated women.

What happened afterwards was a series of unfortunate events from which I barely survived, and not without lifelong consequences.

My mom got antibiotics, I was given a bottle and started giving back whatever came in. Yep, turns out I am one of those babies that were intolerant to cow's milk protein. Since we're talking about way before hydrolyzed formulas, somebody suggested soy. Well, it stayed in, so our adventure began. 2 months into it, it was clear that I was not gaining any weight, I had severe respiratory problems and I needed to be moved to a cleaner city. Still had to wait 4 months for that to happen (my mom had to keep working while my dad got his first paycheck).

The series of illnesses and diseases that happened in that period, and the 8 months afterwards is so big that I cannot name them all, but apparently, I don't need a lot of vaccination: I'm already immune (well, I had a measles shot, and got the disease the next week). Viral and bacterial infections became the norm, and within 6 months after birth, I had only gained one pound. I survived on having been a "big healthy baby" from the start. My immune system was so weak that germs had just targeted me and made my body their favorite habitat.

Then another doctor recommended ultra-pasteurized milk, which was new at that time, and it stayed in. Finally I started to gain some strength and weight, but infections did not stop for another 6 months. Turning 1 year of age, and after 6 months of breathing better and getting real food, I started to be a normal child for the first time. But I wasn't growing and my energy levels were still low. I would go to daycare, come back and sleep all afternoon and evening. Wake up, have dinner and sleep again.

2 years later, my father nailed it. A TSH test was done and a diagnosis became evident. My thyroid had stopped working. Of course, knowing the problem leads to treat it, and thanks to a magical pill I have become a healthy adult, with enough energy to deal even with 2 little monsters and a sick husband, work at home and even wash diapers. But at a high cost. I've been taking medications all my life, and it will stop the day I die.

It was much later on in life that I found out there is a huge link between soy and thyroid diseases, and there was even a study correlating soy fed babies with early hypothyroidism (that several sources say it was not conducted properly). My parents always told me it had been one of the multiple infections I had had. But even if that was the culprit, why did the germs not attack other organs, or why other organs resisted attacks better? Yes, I had a genetic disposition, but it was supposed to happen when I turned 40, not before I turned 1.

My parents feel that I blame them for it. How could I? They have taken care of me always, even now. I have no resentment whatsoever for them, specially since I know she tried. I still question the doctor's call to have a programmed c.section at 38 weeks when I was obviously not ready to come out, but that was common practice with a prior c.sec. Maybe that's why I waited until 41 weeks to evict Tiny Guy from the womb.

Certainly, there are several options now for intolerant babies that do not involve soy, which has been discouraged. My dad recommends rice milk before hydrolyzed, it is cheaper and healthier. But it is no breast or comes close to it. There are no antibodies, no allergy protection, no micro-exposure to allergens, no cannabinoids, no oligo-saccharides to help the intestinal flora grow.

Maybe that explains my pushiness. I don't want other babies and mothers to go through what my mom and I went and have gone. Not all diseases can be avoided, not all situations can be prevented. But breast does reduce the probability of them happening in your own kids, so, for easiness, for convenience, for fashion or for fun, give breasts a try.

Co-sleeping Makes Me Sleep

I was raised in what Occidentals would call the "traditional" way. I don't know where all these weird traditions come from, but it is how most my friends and family were raised too.

I was not breastfed, I slept in my own crib since day 1 and in my own room since I turned 6 months. I was transported in a stroller, born via c-section and tied to a schedule.

I turned out OK. I have 2 wonderful parents that not only love me and my siblings like crazy and keep providing and helping us, even as adults. They also love each other more than anything else. I am very fortunate that I still have 2 healthy parents living together and always willing to help.

But my health did not turn out that great. Even though I am in good shape, my thyroid doesn't work, I have arthritis and hypoglycemia. According to my parents, those problems were unavoidable. Still, before turning 1, I got every sickness on the manual, had to be moved out of Mexico City due to respiratory problems and did not gain height or weight in a really long time.

One other problem I always had was lack of sleep. I would spend hours and hours looking at the ceiling, reading, wondering around the house. I woke up at 7 am every Sunday when everybody else was sound asleep and even wrote poems about my insomnia in my teenage years.

All that came to an ending when I got pregnant. I noticed I was falling asleep on the Subway, watching movies, driving (don't do it please)... That was the most obvious pregnancy sign.

But then the baby came out. I had been raised to think that they had to go to the moses basin and then to their own crib. I had everything ready and... his first night on the house was living hell. He woke up some 5 times. I would nurse him, he would go back to sleep and wake up 30 minutes later.

By the third night, I was so exhausted that when he woke up at 5 am and I wanted to wait half an hour to feed him (according to the "schedule"), I brought him to bed, and the three of us passed out for 3 hours!!

All of a sudden we woke up at 8 am, refreshed and happy. I told my parents what had happened and my dad just said "NO". I felt so guilty I tried for several nights to fix that terrible mistake, only to realize that the only way we would get some rest was sleeping the three of us together.

Then a friend of mine sent me Dr Sears' Baby Book. It was an awakening. I saw the "converting" and the "sect" part of it and took things with perspective. But I found a validation in my every night sleeping routine and started doing it without guilt.

Later on I discovered a fantastic ability: the art of sleeping during the day. I had never been able to master such a craft. Naps were never part of my agenda, I had always been deprived of sleep, because if I had not done it at night, it would just never come and recovery was never on the horizon. Better yet, I could put my baby to sleep with me. It was not what my dad told me: "sleep while the baby sleeps or you won't have a chance" but "if you want to sleep, take the baby and make him sleep too".

I'm a much healthier human being since I became a mom. I don't recall when was the last time I got a serious cold but it was more than 2 years ago. My boys have never been sick, they don't know the meaning of it. I don't know if breast feeding and co sleeping has anything to do with it, but I can safely say that it has been a pleasure to have two babies that sleep through the night from the start, nurse while sleeping and keep going. It works for our family and has saved me countless sleep hours.

So if somebody tells me that it will take a lot of effort to get my boys to sleep in their own bed, it will never equal what I have saved. And yes, Little Guy likes sneaking in some nights, but mostly sleeps on his own by now, effortlessly.

My Boy Has Long Hair

I have two beautiful boys: Tiny Guy and Little Guy.

 Little Guy is over 3 now and at this point, mostly out of diapers. He is a very singular one, with things done at his own pace and by his own way.

Due to my husband's beliefs, we didn't cut his hair when he was little, and then, kinda forgot about it. What came out was an amazing straight hair and bangs that he loves waving.

We do have a person that cuts his hair and leaves it long in a boyish fashion, but she lives very far, and due to Tiny Guy's arrival, we have not been able to see her, so Little Guy's hair is really long! We'll give it a cut when we see her, but in the meantime we're just trimming the bangs. We tried someone here and gave him a girl's cut (yuck!)

So, as you may think, I get all kinds of comments, I get the "what a gorgeous hair" and, most of the time the "you SHOULD cut his hair". Combined with the more polite "do you think it would be a good idea to cut his hair?" and my favorite: no comment at all, just a pedantic sign of cutting your hair in front of me in my own house, done to somebody else.

Why don't I do it then? well, by starters, I don't think it's someone else's business what I do with my child's hair. It's, more than our business, his. And let me tell you something, he may be delayed in his speech, but he can comunicate, and he has stated very clearly that he loves his long hair and doesn't want it short.

Moreover, my husband has long hair. My son does not understand that long hair is supposed to be "for girls", he doesn't understand gender issues very well, he knows he is more like Daddy than like me, and Daddy has long hair, so why wouldn't he?

Which brings me to gender issues. I have always stated that I have a boy, but never told him so. I have never told him the difference between boys and girls or showed him specific toys. He sees pink as one more color and does not relate it to girls. He is 3 and learning 2 languages, but he is, in all aspects, a boy.

Whoever says that little children don't know about gender identity have never had one. My little boy has not been exposed to gender related propaganda, yet he likes toy cars, trains, climbing, red, blue, green, Cars (the movie), Thomas the Train, running around, balls, etc. He doesn't care about how he looks and usually picks bright color T-shirts and jeans for outside (and nothing for inside). He climbs what you put in front of him, he is independent and determined. He doesn't care much about dolls, only once in a while he will get a stuffed animal and hug it. So, he has let us know that he is a boy, in every aspect, including the hair.

So, next time you see a child, before looking at the hair, look at what the child does and what the child is wearing and the child's behavior. The other day at a doctor's office, the conversation went like this:

-What a gorgeous boy you have
-Thank you.
 -At first I thought it was a girl, but then I saw the cars and how he was playing and noted that his outfit was definitely boyish.
-I'm glad, people take him for a girl a lot.
 -People just don't think.

So, use your brain for more than half a second. There are several children out there that are not what you pictured in your brain, mine being one of those.

The Chinese Dilema

If you go on Ebay and type "cloth diapers", you enter another dimension you didn't know it existed.

I go there to find good deals in used Pockets or AIOs, although lately I've been disappointed to see that they go almost for full price (they are THAT coveted).

But then, you see tons of prints and low prices in Buy it Now for as low as a single buck. So how come there are brand new diapers that are sold for 20 times less than the high brands? Answer is simple: China.

Wait a second, aren't Gorvias, some Swaddlebees, Charlie Bananas, Real Nappies and who knows what else made in China too? why then are these considerably cheaper?

Mainly, because there are big factories selling the product directly, sometimes the same diaper that they make for American companies. Should you buy it? well, I'm not anyone to tell you that you shouldn't, since times are hard and the initial investment is high; whereas with these, one could put some $60 and get a full 2 day stash.

Some people argue that they are infringing copyright laws, others that they are not tested for quality control or that they may contain damaging chemicals. Others say that working conditions in China are slavelike and if you buy from them you are contributing to slavery. Finally, other group says that they just are cheaply made and won't offer the guaranty or customer service that their counterparts here will.

Certainly, they are not paying taxes, neither are you. They are also not paying importing primes, neither are you. As for the working conditions, everything we buy these days, from electronics to clothing including musical instruments, is manufactured overseas. If you are concerned about it, well, don't go to Walmart again.

Anyway, asides from quality, which tons of parents claim is just as good (and others claim otherwise), my reason for not going that direction is very simple.

I come from a shoemaking capital. Although I'm not involved in the business and never was, I know a considerable amount of people there that is. Ever since Chinese products started infiltering the system, the economy went down. Now, last year, the taxes imposed on Chinese merchandise were lifted, so you can go and buy a shoe made in the other side of the world for a third of what you pay for a shoe made in your own block. It is impossible that, with the cost of materials and wages, we can match those incredibly ridiculous price tags. That's their goal. They wan't to break our economy and lower their prices to the max, losing money for a couple of years, just so that they get rid of the local competition. That is unfair trading, my town is fighting heavily to bring back the regulatory tax and have a chance, if nothing else.

Seems to me that these diapering companies are doing the same. They don't want people in here working in factories, they want our market and they want to sell as much as they can, with little to no regard of who goes bankrupt.

This is a virgin unexplored industry in which there are no big corporations. It's glowing and growing at a steady pace, improving the lives of thousands of people, even if some are manufactured in China, the companies are here, paying taxes and licenses, testing quality and safety, employing people for handling, for online stores, for shipping and customer service and local retailers. And then add to the list the ones that do manufacture here. In my humble opinion, if I am going to not spend around 1200 in disposables, I can afford to spend 300 in cloth, specially if I use a credit line and I'm paying by the week with the money that would go in the landfills otherwise.

So there you have it, I'm boicoting companies that lower their prices on purpose. That's my reason and my reason only. As I've said before, this blog is not a manual or a Bible, just a simple mom's point of view.

The Choice

Cloth Diaper rabid advocates got mad and cried all over the place when Pampers published a claim attacking them, saying that there was no ecological difference from one to the other and that kids in their diapers lived in a wonderland in which they pooped in recycled material that used hardly any water to be created and was going to biodegrade maybe in 350 years instead of the dreadful 500 that their counterparts proclaimed.

That post quickly disappeared from the American website, but not from the British one. I didn't find it offensive, they attack something that they don't know and take them as if they were flats with rubber pants and the methods for washing would require boiling them and raising them over and over and over.

At the same rate, advocates for cloth attack the big corporations making the assumption that you will change a diaper some 15 times a day and will buy weekly the most expensive brand there is, so I don't really know why they get so offended.

Reality meets somewhere in the middle, I was lucky enough to spend $30 for an 8 week supply of pull-ups some 4 months ago (just before Tiny Guy was born), and before that I had gotten some other deals. I never just went to the store to buy whatever I could find. I searched online, hunted sales, joined online stores, etc. Always trying to bring the cost down. I was very successful on some occasions.

But when we make the "cloth" choice, then we have to keep making more and more choices, natural or synthetic  tumble or line dry, CD specific (an expensive) or general detergent, 12,24 or 36, prefolds, pockets or AIOs.

 I remember a joke about a man that wonders if taking a cab or a bus, and the 2 possibilities of sitting or standing inside the bus keep having 2 more possibilities with one of the picks again and again, and he gets so overwhelmed that he just decides to take a cab.

Big diapering companies claim that 95% of parents "choose" disposables. I tend to disagree, I would say 5% choose cloth, and a large percentage of the other 95 doesn't know that cloth exists. They take disposables for granted, ignoring their possibilities.

The question is if they ignore them because they want to or because really nobody has told them. But, in any case, if they go that route, the conventional one, they are free of making decisions, they are set to a standard of quality, performance and environmental impact. They don't want to be overwhelmed with possibilities, they just take the cab.

So, don't be judgmental, don't overwhelm people and don't get offended by their claims. You choose what you think is the best, and just because it was what you decided, it is correct.  We are polluting the planet anyway.