How to Take Care of a Baby and Die on the Intent

* If you know (or are) a new mom with this or other bizarre behavior, let family and friends know that there is help, that the babies are doing fine, but that professional intervention is required (some resources at the bottom). Postpartum mood disorders are temporal and treatable, it's not the new mom's fault and she needs love and reassurance. This is some of the behavior I observed recently in a closed and beloved friend.

If you really want to suffer and have an endless terrible time caring for your newborn, follow these steps:

• Avoid any links - Being connected to your baby makes things easier, babies get comforted really fast, go to sleep very fast, even for naps, and communicate their problems really fast, if you keep avoiding any connecting activities, you'll stress out every feeding, every diaper change, every little accident, it will all become a tragedy, it will keep you restless at night because you just won't know if the baby is OK. Breast-feeding is a no no, babywearing...forget about it (you can always claim that babies have to "open their legs widely and yours simply can't" or any other really nonsense one. Also, change diapers every hour, peed or not, so that you'll miss signs about it as well and never will know when it is really necessary to do it.
• Always think the worst - I can assure you that this logic is going to take you to the ER at least on one occasion, so you'd better be prepared and have a nice health insurance that doesn't raise a flag after the third visit, or use different policies to not get caught. If your baby falls from the bed, it is most likely a concussion, it most likely hit the baby in the soft spot and if it's your baby, then that's the most delicate thing in the entire planet. Run to the pediatrician with a cold because, you know, it can become pneumonia. And when your baby finally sleeps through the night, think that this time it's something really really bad. That will take your stressometer up to the roof.
• Stay away from the convenience - Make sure you have the leakiest smelliest diapers you can find, so that you can complain about them openly, don't get any baby gear that will help you cope with your day to day activities, vanish good finger food and replace it with candies, if your baby likes a toy and feels happy with it, always lose it and forget it. If you get out, don't bring a diaper bag or means to feed the baby, that will force whomever you are to bring you back home and create unnecessary drama that you can later brag about with your mom or your spouse.
• Run away - Your spouse is useless, he's never understanding, he wants to help but he's working all day long and he doesn't know how to take care of YOUR baby. Time to pack, leave to your mom's house and say "see you in a month". Running from your responsibilities always solves the problems, they just stay behind. This works better if your folks live far away, because plane tickets are expensive to change or cancel. Everybody will be on the alert because the baby is having problems, you'll have your beloved ones so worried about the baby, they won't see that the problem is with someone else. You can always go to a friend's house or a sibling if your folks are not available, but remember, the farther away, the better.
• Listen to your mother - After all, our moms raised us and we turned out fine, right? They are way wiser than the baby doctors, new investigations and findings and they love us. So, if she says put cognac on the gums, listen to her. All those myths and rules that you have to follow are going to make taking care of a baby even harder and are going to make your gut instinct even more silent. Babies have to be bathed daily, head first, and at least half an hour after eating, with special soap, never in the shower and with your eyes blinded because the sight of the mother can bring new germs to the baby. If the baby poops a lot, there must be something wrong, if the baby doesn't poop at all in the day, time to go to the ER, allow her to take the baby off your hands, that for sure will keep the link between you two decreasing.
• Never rest - You never know when the baby pees, stops breathing or may have a tear out, it is impossible to predict. That means you cannot rest. Forget about eating or sleeping, you have to watch the baby 24/7 to make sure nothing will happen. Don't take care of yourself, nor allow any other person to take care of the baby while you take a bath, if the baby is sleeping, watch every single breath, something weird may happen, she may breathe funny, her eyes may roll a little, she may do something you had not seen before and that is a priceless opportunity for drama.
• Resist disconfirmations - If you see a problem and anybody else, even the whole world, tells you there's nothing to be afraid of, distrust them and look for a second, third and fifth opinion, if those also agree, then look for a sixth or act upon your fears anyway. Nothing better than this to call for drama and attract attention. If there's an outbreak on Carseatitus, your baby must definitely have it, so go to the pediatrician and have the baby tested, if it comes negative, don't get alleviated, most likely there was a mistake, or the disease doesn't appear in analysis yet, so come back in 2 weeks, just to make sure, and always ask the doctor if there is anything else that can be done, ask for a specialist and a referral and make every single medical test under the sun, then come back to the PCP and tell him that it was diagnosed, even if not the case.
• Cry -  Nothing as effective to  manipulate your close loved ones than with tears. It doesn't matter if the baby is fine, do it anyway, anytime, anywhere.
• Be Judgmental - Anything less than perfection is not accepted, neither with your kids nor with others, and what you do is what is correct, so why is it that nobody else does it? Call it out, judge, be nasty, tell other moms all the things that are wrong with their kids, be tactless and rude. Doing things differently may mean that what you do is wrong and you can't take that. Plus, it will scare your friends away so that they can't see what is lying underneath. And you'll be alone and miserable, just your favorite place.

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If you or someone around you needs help, here are some immediate websites that will direct you to the appropriate channels:

• CANADA Find Help - Canadian Mental Health
• USA  (800)773-6667 .....1-800-PPD-MOMS Post partum depression hotline
• USA in Spanish 805-541-3367  Línea de Apoyo para la depresión posparto 
• MEXICO terapia-psicologica.com.mx Depresión Post Parto
• Worldwide Postpartum.net

My Must Have Item (Hand Held Shower)

Way before I started cloth diapering, my husband spinal cord got damaged and Tiny Guy existed there was this other life that lasted only 15 months. Me, my able bodied husband and Little Guy.

Back then, when life still made sense and I was not submerged in surrealism, I was being an average breast feeding mom. We did have some baby gear (we have NONE now) and we scrubbed poopy clothes on a daily basis.

Little Guy's explosions started to get out of control, one day it got all over his exersaucer, so that we had to bring him into the shower among the two of us and "hose him down" with our hand held shower. That day, besides creating a Dr Seuss poem about poop very similar to the pink spot in "The Cat in the Hat Comes Back", I realized that having a shower head in my hand could be very powerful. From then on, I stopped using baby wipes and would just "hose him down" after explosions, making my life easier (didn't know about cloth ones back then).

From then on, that was my recommendation, and if I didn't have it due to being away from home, I wold miss it more than any other baby item.

Later on, my husband's disability played a big role. It was impossible for him to have a bath without sitting down. We already had the shower, all we needed was a chair. But from then on, every time we travel, we need a handicap room with this beautiful feature.

Then Tiny Guy came, and with him a Panda washer and cloth diapers. It has been my sprayer and my washer filler. So, here's all the wonders we've done with it:

• Get a full shower with special attention to very dirty body parts.
• Clean a very poopy baby bum
• Massage breasts to help removing a clogged duct.
• Massage neck after a stressful day
• Baby bath without a baby tub
• Spraying diapers
• Filling up washer
• Toddler bath, including games and easy shampoo removal
• Diaper handwash (great for rinsing)
• Bathtub cleaning
• Water massage in the back when being in labor
• Having a shower without standing up (great for disability and advanced pregnancy)
• Scalp massage for relaxation
• Water massage therapy in hands and feet with neuropathic pain
• Cleaning baby's bath tub
• Feet cleansing without a whole shower (bath chair included)

So, if you're having a baby and still don't count with one of these little lifesavers, go ahead and add it to your registry.

Celebrating the World Breastfeeding Week 2013 with a Clogged Duct.

Today is the last the of the World Breastfeeding Week 2013. I didn't even think about that 90 minutes ago when I realized the pain on my right breast was not going to go away on its own and Tiny Guy was going to sleep for the rest of the morning. The flag was raised. Clogged Duct.

I am a very fortunate mother that has had the blessing of nursing for quite a while. Little Guy was weaned at 2.5 years due to my advanced pregnancy and 3 months later Tiny Guy was out and around, and drinking lots of breastmilk. In all that almost 3.5 odyssey, only once had I had this problem before, that time I didn't know the name of it, the remedies or how long it would last.

I remember latching Little Guy and having him nurse to no avail, he would be satisfied and I would still feel as if he had not nursed at all. Plus, my breast did not look engorged, but felt like it. After a painful 2 hour non-sleep in the middle of the night, I did what every wife with a wonderful man should do: I called for help.

My husband got me up and threw me in the shower, gave me the head and asked me to point it to the breast. Whatever it was, it needed water and heat. Then he went and asked Mr Google what was going on with me. Eventually the symptoms gave him the answer.

Of course, he was on the right path with the shower, and I was too with the extracting. The problem is that Little Guy was almost 2 and only nursed in mornings and nights. I had to have him help me. Invited him to do it at every occasion, skipped lunch, cooked things that he doesn't like much, anyway, he nursed all day long.

I was fearful of mastitis, I always am. Thanks to it, my mom stopped breast feeding me after only 10 days, and the unfortunate chain of events that took of make my first year's survival a miracle. Clogged ducts need attention immediately to avoid an infection, and unless the pain is unbearable or the fever reaches a high point, it is better to stay home with the baby and hopefully somebody else (I have my disabled husband that painfully can take care of me sometimes)

Between the frequent nursing, manually extracting before the nursing and the heat applied, it was gone within a day. I've been a hard advocate for manual extraction ever since, I think that's why it only happened once with Little Guy (and now once with Tiny Guy).

2 hours ago, I got up, drank whatever was left from a water bottle (with Little Guy's help) and manually drained the breast. It was not much, maybe an ounce, but it did a huge difference. At least the pain is resting. 600 mg of Ibuprofen later, the fever is coming down and the shivers with it. I may be able to sleep for the next hour, with my milk bottle ready for another discharge and Tiny Guy ready for another feast.

Remember. If it happens to you, drain, nurse, drain, nurse. Drain before every feeding, hot showers, heat and pain killers will help getting you through the day.

Reasons for using disposables

In the past couple of days, I've found several posts of people that see cloth diapering mothers as nazis, that think it is not worth it and no money is saved, which they use as pretext to go back to disposables.

Instead of getting angry and answering them, which others have, I want to approach the subject as saying: YES, using disposables is allowed, at least in my book, and no, I'm no better than other parents just for using cloth.

But if they choose disposables, I think there are valid reasons out there, instead of trying to pretend that you don't save money or the environment (neither of which were my reasons for switching), I'd like them to be honest. Here are real situations in which it is valid using them:

• Because you want to. I know it would be obvious, but for me cloth is a choice, and it is not all or nothing, I still have some disposables around, although the last bag has spent some 3 or 4 months in the closet. It is not up to anybody but the user to decide, and it is way more valid than attacking cloth. A lot of moms won't want to get bothered, or get overwhelmed, or simply think disposables are cute.
• Rashes. Yes, certain babies do better with disposables. Although many people switch the other way due to sensitivity to chemicals, it happens. I did almost quit once for Little Guy, until I found a way to keep him from getting burned. Sometimes there is no perfect washing detergent, or water, or routine and the need for constant creams and ointments makes them a necessity.
• Droughts. I go to the sink, water pours. We're connected to the city system, sometimes certain activities like watering your garden, can be restricted, but in general we take it for granted when it comes to laundry. Not everybody has this situation. A lot of houses in rural areas have their own wells, and sometimes they need to be extremely careful or they run dry. Yes, I don't spend extra water, I do less baby laundry, less flushes, and fill the washer with the water that is spilled waiting for the hot to kick in during a shower, but not everybody has those choices.
• No washer. Yes, I did the Flats and Hand Washing challenge, yes it was doable. Yes, I'm not working out of the house, yes, it took some 30 minutes a day and not everybody can afford such a luxury. There are plenty of hand operated washers, but they save no time. Portable ones like mine are great, but they are unknown, even for the cloth diapering community. I know that some use the laundromat, but then it becomes more expensive than disposables. It is doable, but not easy, and I wouldn't hold anybody responsible for not going cloth on that one.
• Economy. Wait, isn't it cheaper on the long run to use cloth? Yes, but the initial investment can be impossible for some. But even if they use the cheapest diapers out there, or get them donated, or use their old t-shirts, sometimes the water bill comes too high and low income families can get free disposables from diaper banks. Those banks will tell you over and over that cloth is not a viable option (if our cleaning lady in Mexico clothed nine babies and worked full time, anybody can!). Water bills can be the turning point for low income people and diaper banks. That's the reality.
• Laziness. Moms like what they see other moms use. Being innovative and exploring different approaches is not the common ground. I still see a lot of my friends using formula, strollers and cribs. They are happy, it works for them. They don't want to take the time to explore different options, research and come to a conclusion, having a baby is demanding enough. I could not stand disposables and that's why I took the time to research, but a lot of moms like them, they work for them and they don't mind the explosions and spendings. As long as they keep their babies safe and happy, they are doing a good job, and in many aspects I am a lazy mom myself (which is why I co-sleep, breastfeed and cloth diaper, it is easier for me).

Bottom line: I've had much more success not saying anything and letting my diapers speak for themselves. Being judgmental won't help to spread the awareness. Being dishonest and stating that they are not as green (due to a faulty study) or not as economical (using expensive detergents and old washers) won't help anybody's cause and will make you look like a bad mom.