Have I Become a Breast-feeding Nazi?

One of my best friends is pregnant, single and scared.

I've been talking to her through her process and tried to let her know that she is a suitable mother, despite the fact that she keeps complaining and saying that motherhood is not what she was born to do (I don't think anybody does, but specifically for her, I never thought she was going to stay childless forever)

But within all our conversations, I've found myself pushing her into breast-feeding. I've been very insistent with it and, even though she says she'll "try", she's not convinced at all. Says it's not her "hit".

And then I realized I was becoming one of those Nazi mothers that want to impose her own ways into others. And for women that work full time and think the best place for a baby is daycare,  it can push you away from them and you can end up being of little to no help.

Then I sat and wondered why I was being so pushy. I have never told her "it's the best for the baby" or "you would be a bad mother if you didn't". I'm more for the "it's best for you" and "the baby would be fine anyway, but breast just makes everything so much easier".

But the fact is, yes, I have gone way above the Mexican standards with my kids, mostly for convenience and practicality, but I do believe it's the best for the baby. And that's when my own life comes into play, that's what I'm really trying to keep them from: baby me.

I was born in the most artificial environment that there is. Evicted 10 days before due date for no medical reason other than ensuring "no labor would occur" and having been deemed "perfectly healthy", I couldn't have brought more problems to my mother if I had tried.

 And it all started with the breasts. I latched, I ate, there was milk. Too bad milk was just too much and my feeding needs were 10 days behind. As a result, my mom acquired Mastitis and got very, very sick. OF course, being a doctor, it never occurred to her to seek help, to manually remove the milk (she tried a nasty pump that would stimulate her even more and not get a drop out) or to feed me on demand instead of a rigid 3 hour schedule. It was 1970s Mexico and natural mothering was for poor country unsophisticated women.

What happened afterwards was a series of unfortunate events from which I barely survived, and not without lifelong consequences.

My mom got antibiotics, I was given a bottle and started giving back whatever came in. Yep, turns out I am one of those babies that were intolerant to cow's milk protein. Since we're talking about way before hydrolyzed formulas, somebody suggested soy. Well, it stayed in, so our adventure began. 2 months into it, it was clear that I was not gaining any weight, I had severe respiratory problems and I needed to be moved to a cleaner city. Still had to wait 4 months for that to happen (my mom had to keep working while my dad got his first paycheck).

The series of illnesses and diseases that happened in that period, and the 8 months afterwards is so big that I cannot name them all, but apparently, I don't need a lot of vaccination: I'm already immune (well, I had a measles shot, and got the disease the next week). Viral and bacterial infections became the norm, and within 6 months after birth, I had only gained one pound. I survived on having been a "big healthy baby" from the start. My immune system was so weak that germs had just targeted me and made my body their favorite habitat.

Then another doctor recommended ultra-pasteurized milk, which was new at that time, and it stayed in. Finally I started to gain some strength and weight, but infections did not stop for another 6 months. Turning 1 year of age, and after 6 months of breathing better and getting real food, I started to be a normal child for the first time. But I wasn't growing and my energy levels were still low. I would go to daycare, come back and sleep all afternoon and evening. Wake up, have dinner and sleep again.

2 years later, my father nailed it. A TSH test was done and a diagnosis became evident. My thyroid had stopped working. Of course, knowing the problem leads to treat it, and thanks to a magical pill I have become a healthy adult, with enough energy to deal even with 2 little monsters and a sick husband, work at home and even wash diapers. But at a high cost. I've been taking medications all my life, and it will stop the day I die.

It was much later on in life that I found out there is a huge link between soy and thyroid diseases, and there was even a study correlating soy fed babies with early hypothyroidism (that several sources say it was not conducted properly). My parents always told me it had been one of the multiple infections I had had. But even if that was the culprit, why did the germs not attack other organs, or why other organs resisted attacks better? Yes, I had a genetic disposition, but it was supposed to happen when I turned 40, not before I turned 1.

My parents feel that I blame them for it. How could I? They have taken care of me always, even now. I have no resentment whatsoever for them, specially since I know she tried. I still question the doctor's call to have a programmed c.section at 38 weeks when I was obviously not ready to come out, but that was common practice with a prior c.sec. Maybe that's why I waited until 41 weeks to evict Tiny Guy from the womb.

Certainly, there are several options now for intolerant babies that do not involve soy, which has been discouraged. My dad recommends rice milk before hydrolyzed, it is cheaper and healthier. But it is no breast or comes close to it. There are no antibodies, no allergy protection, no micro-exposure to allergens, no cannabinoids, no oligo-saccharides to help the intestinal flora grow.

Maybe that explains my pushiness. I don't want other babies and mothers to go through what my mom and I went and have gone. Not all diseases can be avoided, not all situations can be prevented. But breast does reduce the probability of them happening in your own kids, so, for easiness, for convenience, for fashion or for fun, give breasts a try.

Celebrating the World Breastfeeding Week 2013 with a Clogged Duct.

Today is the last the of the World Breastfeeding Week 2013. I didn't even think about that 90 minutes ago when I realized the pain on my right breast was not going to go away on its own and Tiny Guy was going to sleep for the rest of the morning. The flag was raised. Clogged Duct.

I am a very fortunate mother that has had the blessing of nursing for quite a while. Little Guy was weaned at 2.5 years due to my advanced pregnancy and 3 months later Tiny Guy was out and around, and drinking lots of breastmilk. In all that almost 3.5 odyssey, only once had I had this problem before, that time I didn't know the name of it, the remedies or how long it would last.

I remember latching Little Guy and having him nurse to no avail, he would be satisfied and I would still feel as if he had not nursed at all. Plus, my breast did not look engorged, but felt like it. After a painful 2 hour non-sleep in the middle of the night, I did what every wife with a wonderful man should do: I called for help.

My husband got me up and threw me in the shower, gave me the head and asked me to point it to the breast. Whatever it was, it needed water and heat. Then he went and asked Mr Google what was going on with me. Eventually the symptoms gave him the answer.

Of course, he was on the right path with the shower, and I was too with the extracting. The problem is that Little Guy was almost 2 and only nursed in mornings and nights. I had to have him help me. Invited him to do it at every occasion, skipped lunch, cooked things that he doesn't like much, anyway, he nursed all day long.

I was fearful of mastitis, I always am. Thanks to it, my mom stopped breast feeding me after only 10 days, and the unfortunate chain of events that took of make my first year's survival a miracle. Clogged ducts need attention immediately to avoid an infection, and unless the pain is unbearable or the fever reaches a high point, it is better to stay home with the baby and hopefully somebody else (I have my disabled husband that painfully can take care of me sometimes)

Between the frequent nursing, manually extracting before the nursing and the heat applied, it was gone within a day. I've been a hard advocate for manual extraction ever since, I think that's why it only happened once with Little Guy (and now once with Tiny Guy).

2 hours ago, I got up, drank whatever was left from a water bottle (with Little Guy's help) and manually drained the breast. It was not much, maybe an ounce, but it did a huge difference. At least the pain is resting. 600 mg of Ibuprofen later, the fever is coming down and the shivers with it. I may be able to sleep for the next hour, with my milk bottle ready for another discharge and Tiny Guy ready for another feast.

Remember. If it happens to you, drain, nurse, drain, nurse. Drain before every feeding, hot showers, heat and pain killers will help getting you through the day.

The Hand-Expressing Queen

Totally out of cloth diapering...

I am the queen of hand expressing!!

It surprises me how many breast feeding advocates chill down when I bring hands into the picture and how intimidated they are. Apparently, it's ok to allow a machine that is nonsensitive and rude to touch and suck our breasts, but a sensitive hand that can feel where the milk is and gently squeeze...oh no! that's taboo.

Well, I use my milk for a lot of stuff besides feeding my baby. But more than that, this ability has been a life saver. It makes nursing way more fun and much healthier.

Did you know that I only once had a plugged duct? and that it only lasted a day? yep, hand expressing helped tremendously  I would empty my breasts and then give them to my toddler to suck so that the obstruction would come out.

But I'm not here to showoff as an autoproclaimed queen that has been able o squeeze 13 ounces in half an hour. I'm writing this to help.

The most important thing you should know about getting milk out of your breasts is to never squeeze the nipple. The second most important is that milk won't come out if there's nothing there. Never attempt to squeeze when you're empty. The third is that you need to "open the faucet" to let  the milk out.

So, numbers one and two seem very silly and not so important, well, they are, but still, one is plain textbook technique (holding the breast with the whole hand, place the  thumb and index surrounding the aureola and squeeze) and number two is plain logic.  So let's focus in number three.

How to allow milk out when there's no sucking? for me it's so easy I don't even think about it. But for some women it is complicated. I keep thinking my mother would have nursed me for longer had she known this technique and my first year of life would have been way less eventful.

So, here go some tips:

1. Try doing it when you get your shirt wet. We all open our faucets at one point, that's why nursing pads were invented. Try running to the bathroom and squeeze some out in the sink. Don't stress yourself trying to find a sterilized container, that will come later when you are more familiar with this. Right now try to relax and remember the feeling of getting the milk out so that you can emulate it.
2. Try doing it in the shower. It happens to all of us, we're taking a bath and the shower liner starts having tiny drops that become white. Exactly, take advantage of that situation and start squeezing out some good stuff!
3. Try doing it while nursing. Our little ones are the best faucet openers, they do it naturally. I think you can recall tons of times in which you wished you had another baby for your free breast, and the more the baby sucks, the more your blouse gets wet on the other side, although this can be complicated and you need a container just for the mess itself, it can be done, believe me, the pain will go away faster and you'll have a much nicer time once the other breast is empty.

Some people say you need to think on the baby or imagine him sucking, that may work, but for my perspective, it's easier to imitate the faucet once it's open than trying to open it on your own.

Yes, I do collect my milk, a lot. No, I'm not necessarily asking you to get rid of your pump. Whatever works for you the best and makes your life easier is what you should use (which is why, in fact, a lot of moms bottle feed). My goal here is to give you a tool that you may need sooner or later, due to a shortage on energy, a trip or a working situation that doesn't allow you to bring a pump or use it. In my case, it has saved me not only hundreds of dollars in pump + accessories, but also my sanity and my nursing experience.

Feel free to contact me or leave a comment if you want to try it and need help.